I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
