there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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