i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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