Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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