apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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