Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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