His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
