C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
