Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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