and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
