I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
