shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
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A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
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I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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