I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Randomize
