I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
is wine microwaveable?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
