Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
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