i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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