For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
