..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
