I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
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Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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