I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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