woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
