i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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