You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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