you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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