Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
