you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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