Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Even my vagina gasped.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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