I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
