Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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