i don't like sucking hair
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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