the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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