Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
