my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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