Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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