lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
