i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
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I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
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Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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