now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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