Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
