And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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