I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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