just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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