Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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