just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
