PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Randomize
