I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
