I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
