they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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