I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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