I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
