He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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