I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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