Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
