no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
