We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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