I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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