Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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