It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just want to make out with him forever
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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