He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
