watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
