I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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