Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he puts the penis in happiness.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
