I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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