BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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