I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
