i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
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Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
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Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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