ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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