im six kinds of drunk right now
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
