I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
