So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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