the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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