My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
