Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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