Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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