i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
