She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
