is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
