Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
