Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
