Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
