We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
