Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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