your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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