This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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