Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
