I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
