I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
