Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
nutella sex= disaster
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
