I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i will never coherently bang her
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
